Meanwhile, my feed was full of fab looking ladies showing their ensembles off the world. I really enjoyed seeing these, even if their style wasn't something I'd wear for myself, I just loved seeing everyone looking lovely and feeling great enough about themselves to show it off to everyone else. Coming back from holidays after Christmas, I was feeling very much the opposite. Up until Christmas, I'd been doing really well with diet and exercise and had lost some weight. I'd been feeling really good and was excited about looking smokin for my trip to the US.
Like a lot of people, I enjoyed my holidays a little too much and stoppped exercising altogether and also over indulged in too much of the wrong stuff over the break. By the time I came back to work, I'd put on weight and lost much of the toning I had achieved and was feeling pretty bad about myself. Not only did I feel guilty about the situation, but I was so angry with myself for ruining all of my hard work. I felt disgusting, hated the way I looked, avoided looking at my body in the mirror and was dressing in jeans and baggy t shirts or loose, flowy dresses in order to try and hide myself.
I was sad, because that's not the person that I am. Even when I was a bit heavier, I was usually always pretty happy with myself and still felt confident. To be at the point where I was feeling ashamed and my wardrobe was reflecting that was a pretty low point for me. I just could not feel happy. Even things that would normally make me happy, my friends, The Man, music, doing things I enjoyed, even then I just couldn't fully enjoy myself because I felt so badly about myself. I knew something had to change.
My insides were feeling pretty yucky from all the bad food so I started with eating lots of fresh fruit and vegetables to get my insides feeling good again. Of course, that did help me to shift some of the weight along with light exercise. I started to feel a little better about myself and began getting back into my usual wardrobe of nice clothes that I take pride in styling and wearing. But without a real 'dress code' or uniform with work, it was pretty easy to slip back into daggy, comfy clothes. But not if everyone else is watching, right?
Initially I was dreading the session, particularly on the drive there, running over in my head how unfit I was and how much I was going to embarrass myself. But Laura was very kind, encouraging and non-judgemental. She was also very motivating and I ended up really enjoying the session. I already feel so great just from getting back into it. I'm a bit sore today, I think I'm walking funny HA But it's strangely satisfying and I'm already looking forward to our session next week. In the meantime I'll be keeping things up at home and hopefully I can impress her with my improvement next week.